Never, Never, Never Give Up

 Hellooooo and welcome to my first official blog post!

As you have seen, the title of this blog is never, never, never give up. Not one, not two, but THREE nevers. Why? Because it's on a decoration I got at Hobby Lobby that hangs in my office, featured below. BUT ALSO, because sometimes we want to give up on our dreams after the first, and sometimes second failure. Don't give up; be a damn legend. 

I started nursing school with a 2 year-old and a 1 year-old in Blanding, Utah via a satellite program through Utah State University. It was HARD. I missed my baby's first words and first steps because I chose to be in school. Does it make me sad? Yes. Do I regret it? Not one bit. It was early on in nursing school that I knew there was something more to nursing than being a bedside nurse. I wanted to reach the top of the nursing ladder. I barged into Cooper's office at the time and told him just that. So, we researched and learned about a nurse anesthesiologist. I got chills. I knew this is what I was meant to become. I immediately called one of the two nurse anesthesiologists in the town and was able to shadow him. I fell in love with that career. I mean, who wouldn't want to knock someone out for a living?! I worked hard to be a good wife and mom and an excellent student.

It was in the middle of nursing school that I received my Bipolar diagnosis. That means I went half-way through school being an undiagnosed bipolar person. Hard is an understatement. But I didn't give up. I wanted to be a damn legend. 

We moved to Meridian, ID after I graduated, where I got my first nursing job at a trauma rehabilitation hospital, where I worked for about a year. I worked across the street from the main hospital, where it was my dream and desire to work. I saw that hospital every day as I walked into work, and I knew I would end up there eventually. I had hip surgery that led me to leave working at that rehab hospital. I applied for and got a job in the neurology department at the main trauma hospital I had been dreaming of. 

Don't give up; be a damn legend. 

It was there that I went into a deep, deep depression. I wasn't on the right medications for my bipolar disorder and suicidal ideations became a permeant spot in my mind. I lasted 5 months before I had to take a leave of absence because of my mental health. It was then I started Ketamine treatments and that literally, saved my life. I realized that working the neurology floor was not for me and I left, quietly leaving my anesthesia dreams along with it. 

I got a job at a colonoscopy clinic where I was a sedation nurse. I worked part time, was home by 3pm every day and worked 3 days a week. It was beyond cush. 

I had it all! But did I.... I couldn't help but think that I was still meant to be an anesthesia provider and that I gave up on that dream pretty quickly. After a year of working at the clinic, and with lots of encouragement from friends and family, I applied to the Cardiovascular ICU at the main hospital and got the job. (In order to apply for anesthesia school, you have to have worked in an ICU for at least a year). This was it. I was back on track to becoming what I believed I was meant to be. 

I was nine months into this new job when I found out I needed shoulder surgery. I was devastated. This would be a huge hindrance in my journey to anesthesia school as I would have to be out a total of 4 months. And I loved my job!! I was thriving and I had to abruptly stop. I had surgery early October, '23 and I was back to work mid-January of '24. I was back on track. I was going to work hard and get certifications that would help me gain acceptance into school and I was going to apply that coming fall. I had it in the bag! 

Until I didn't. 

On April 16th at 4:00am I tripped on a CPAP cord in a patient's room, fell, and dislocated my shoulder. (Luckily it wasn't the shoulder I just had fixed. Shout out to my awesome surgeon!) Dislocations are pretty normal for me, but this one wasn't healing very well. After weeks and finally an MRI, I found out I had a torn labrum and Hill-Sach's lesion in my humorous head, which may cause wicked arthritis if the instability wasn't fixed. I had to wait 2 MONTHS to finally find out I had to have surgery. Which would mean I was out ANOTHER 4 months until I could go back to work, which meant I would be gone a total of 6 months. 6 months of experience, of working, of gaining knowledge. I came to the conclusion that I would wait until next year to apply to school. 

I had been scheduled to take the CCRN exam (critical care registered nurse) on April 25th, one week after I fell. I was in a sling and on narcotics when I sat for this incredibly hard exam. AND I PASSED. 

Don't give up; be a damn legend. 

One week before my surgery I was able to attend an information session on Idaho's first nurse anesthesiologist program, starting Fall of '25. I quickly realized, with my CCRN certification newly under my belt, that I qualified for this program. Applications opened 2 weeks after my surgery, and I applied. I APPLIED!

Don't give up; be a damn legend. 

The chances of me getting into this school are very slim. In fact, I'm not counting on it. But I won't give up, and I'll keep applying. I want to be a damn legend. 

And you can be one too. 

Never, never, never give up.

Sam